The Service Submissive
"I am not a submissive," you say. "I just believe women should be taken care of and I enjoy doing things for them that make their lives easier. That doesn't make me a submissive, that just makes me a nice guy who likes to help out. I keep telling my friend this, and she keeps telling me that I am wrong, that I am a submissive- a service submissive, whether I know it or not.
What is the Difference between a Service Submissive and a Regular Submissive?
Technically, a service submissive is a type of submissive. You don't have to be in the BDSM lifestyle to be classified as a submissive. Many men and women are submissive by nature whether they practice the BDSM lifestyle or not. Many people who are considered "laid back" or "soft-spoken" are naturally submissive in their daily lives, as well as in the bedroom. These "go-with-the-flow" type people usually do whatever the majority want to do, whether they might have been interested in something else, or not.
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A service submissive can be the husband who enjoys taking care of all the chores around the house so his wife can have more free time to go shopping or hang out with her friends. He may be the boyfriend who enjoys bathing his princess, giving her foot massages, and anything else she enjoys that will make her feel pampered. While his main goal is to make her feel pampered, even worshiped, his secondary goal is to receive the praise that he is almost sure to receive if he pleases her properly.
Looking for Approval
The main goal of a service submissive is to please to the point of praise. While his ultimate goal is her satisfaction, her pleasure, he seeks her acceptance, her praise as his gratification. The ultimate disappointment for a service submissive is to be told he has caused her disappointment. If she is disappointed in him, that means he didn't do his job. Not only is he upset at her disappointment, but he's upset at his own inability to gain her approval.
Some would say that seeking this approval is a way of topping from he bottom, of being in control while giving the illusion of submission. In some cases, that can certainly be true. Some so-called submissives manipulate what they do and when and how they do it just so they will receive that praise that they so badly crave. In most cases, though, it's not so much about gaining validation as it is about pleasing her to the point that she feels compelled to point out a job well done. The main goal of the service submissive is to please his Mistress but he certainly holds a secondary goal of pleasing her to the point of dishing out her praise.
If it Walks Like a Submissive, Talks Like a Subissive, then...
...it must be a submissive! Just because a person doesn't consider themselves a lifestyle submissive, it does not mean they aren't submissive. Those who enjoy pleasing, who enjoy pampering, who enjoy doing things to help out their significant other are no-doubt service submissives. They can tell themselves otherwise, try to talk themselves out of it, but it doesn't change what they are. A submissive who happens to enjoy serving!