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What is BDSM?

You’ve heard the term again and again. BDSM, does it mean something specific or just some letters to represent domination? It seems like lots of people have different answers to this, but I want you to know exactly what it is that BDSM entails, because I promise you it is much more than being locked in a dungeon with a bitch in black leather using a whip on you. *giggle* Though it can be that, too! Lets start with what it stands for and go from there. BDSM is one of those interesting acronyms that is blended to mean more than one thing.

All Tied Up

First of all, B stands for Bondage, but you knew that didn’t you? That’s the easy one. Though it isn’t just ropes and chains. Oh sure, we all know that to be bound is to be tied up or held, but a Mistress can put you in mental and emotional bondage as well. You always want to please your Mistress, so you do as she says. This is a form of bondage. One of the things that make sexual bondage exciting, whether it is the physical or mental kind, is the submissive’s willingness to be bound. It’s an ultimate giving up of power, even the power to move on your own, when you submit to bondage. This requires a certain amount of trust, as does all fetish play. And it doesn’t have to be just your arms and your legs that are bound, your cock in a cage is bondage!

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You must know your limits and those of the person your are playing with and always have a safe word, for when you need to be released. Something to say to stop play and keep both of you from taking anything too far. Remember with bondage, this can mean a dungeon where you are tied up or chained to a wall, it can mean you wrapped repeatedly in plastic and not allowed to move at all…or it can mean a Mistress who will punish you mentally and emotionally if you don’t follow her rules, either way it is a complete submission and not one to be entered into lightly.

Power Exchange of a D/s Relationship

Next we come to the letter D, which can stand alone and mean simply Domination. The domination of someone who is under your control. However in BDSM, it plays along with the S and we have a relationship. D/s, dominant and submissive partners entering into the ultimate power exchange. The submissive gives up their power to the Dominatrix (we control your cock in other words *wink*). This is consensual always and in this case can be a very open range of needs. Dom/sub relationships are not just leather and whips, though that is still the common vision when someone enters into this type of relationship. However a cock tease is dominant over a man with a hard cock, a cuckold is submissive to his wife who takes another better lover, and a Mistress taunting and teasing your cock into almost cumming, bringing you to the edge again and again while denying you release is domination over your submissive cock.

Again, this is a choice of lifestyle, that is entered into by both parties. True D/s relationships are not about abuse, they are about a choice by the dominant partner to be in control and the submissive partner to give them that control. It’s this relationship that leads many to say that there really is no true domination, as the submissive has to agree or no play occurs. This is true only as the beginning of the play, once it has started there are obvious lines between the two and an agreed upon safe word is what keeps it fun and exciting and stops it from going too far into something neither wants.

Isn’t S&M Dangerous?

S also plays with M for the final part of BDSM is Sadism/ Masochism. Let me start by acknowledging that Sadism is one of those inflammatory words that people hear and think of extreme torture. Enjoying being in control, holding the whip and getting turned on is what sadism is all about, it’s not the same as someone with a sadistic personality. S&M is the darker more extreme side of BDSM. You are turned on by being whipped or having your balls slapped, then you delve into Masochism. Your partner is turned on by whipping you or slapped those balls, giving them a nice hard squeeze so you yelp. This is S&M. It can be as tame or as extreme as the imagination and willingness of the participants but once again, it is a game. Sane and Safe are the ways to play and never if it is not consensual. This is perhaps the most misunderstood aspect of BDSM and the most, in many ways, taboo. But it’s part of the culture of the BDSM community and is done as with all D/s relationships, as a choice. You play a power game, exciting yourself and your partner and stop when you choose as well.

So, now you know exactly what BDSM is, though I promise you there are as many ways to interpret each aspect of pleasure and control, as there are erotic fantasies. So, enjoy yourself and remember this is your choice to be controlled by your Erotic Femdom Mistress, she is just enjoying herself.

 

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Delia
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